Putting Canada and Kyoto into layman's terms

Let's put Canada and Kyoto into layman's terms.

We're all a big family called Canada. Our family has but one car. A while back, Dad gave control of the family car to my brother, Grit.

For some reason best known to himself, Grit placed a bet against some other car owners about how much each of them can reduce the emissions coming out of the tailpipes. They called this bet the Kyoto Sweepstakes or something like that. Everyone knows roughly how much their car produces at the time of the bet. They set a date in the future for retesting 12 years down the line.

For 10 years, Grit didn't change the oil, spark plugs or air filter. The car kept running despite it all. That's likely due to the good tuneup I gave it just before Dad took the keys away because I got caught doing donuts in the parking lot. ANYWAY, as the date for the retest approaches, Grit starts talking about maybe changing the oil and sticks a few "Go Kyoto!" stickers on the hood.

Then Dad finally noticed how irresponsible Grit is. Dad suspects him of stealing money using the gas card. So Dad puts Grit on probation and insists Grit share control of the car to me and our bratty little brother, Dipstick and our rebellious sister, Bloc-head, but Grit is still doing the driving.

Things don't go well in that arrangement, especially when Dipstick makes a deal with Grit to keep stealing money using the gas card. Some of the nasty tricks Grit played in the past have come back to haunt him despite his best efforts to whitewash everything.

When it looks like Dad's going to take away the keys, Grit and Dipstick start running around making promises to everyone about how good they're going to take care of everything (using the "free" money from the gas card) so they convince Dad not to kick Grit out of the car business completely. Dipstick is a bit of a goof so no-one really takes him too seriously. Bloc-head? Well, no-one really understands what makes her tick but some of us are getting pretty tired of the bills for the shrink and her medication.

ANYWAY, Dad turns over the keys back over to me and says I can drive but I have to share control with Grit, Dipstick and Bloc-head for the time being.

Grit doesn't like being out of the driver's seat so he's throwing tantrums regularly. He keeps running to Dad and telling lies about me, saying I'm mean, I eat kittens (deep fried making me fat), I have a 'hidden agenda' and other crap. I don't know why Dad listens to him at all. Maybe it's because whenever Grit lies, Dipstick swears to it.

Lately Grit and Dipstick are screaming their heads off, saying I'm not fixing the car up fast enough. Bloc-head spends most of her time, gazing into her navel, listening to the voices in her head that tell her to keep making plans on how to dump the whole lot of us... Occasionally, she's helpful and she has some really good ideas but sometimes I think the quack should up her meds.

So I decide to tell the other car owners that the bet is off but I'm still going to try to fix it up. Grit says I'm going to ruin our good family reputation... which is unlike Grit's reputation as a liar, a thief, a bully and a scoundrel. The "bet" isn't legally binding and it was a bad idea since some of the guys who are in on it are driving dump trucks but they're not required to clean up their act. With all the loot Grit & Dipstick stolen, not to mention the promises they made, it's been kind of hard to get much respect.

Hopefully, Dad can see the good stuff I'm doing and trust me with the keys alone soon.